Need to write it out....

Today is not feeling like the best day.  Don't know if its my hormones still adjusting to having my 2nd daughter 6 months ago, don't know if it was the plethora of mean coming from my 12 year old (step)son, the lack of sleep, recoving from the move last weekend, some of the above, or none of the above.  But I feel crappy today and have to vent it out to someone.  Lucky You.

There are a million and one things to do and frankly I would like to go into my mini-van right now, put on a dvd (which will most likely be a Disney or Dora movie but I could care less), and just ignore everything I have going on right now.  Ugh.  Things to return. Things to put away.  Things to move.  Things to buy.  Things to drive me crazy. Red things, blue things, things things things.

The worst part of this rain cloud hanging over me right now is that it is totally affecting every part of my life.  I'm snappy with my kids, unloving towards my husband, and even being mean to myself if that's even possible. 

My stepson who I have raised as my own for 9 years (over 50% of that time he was with me and my hubby full time) said horrible things to me on Saturday that are still echoing in my brain.  And I know he's 12 and one would think that a 30 year old woman would not be rocked by ridiculous insults of a 12 year old boy, but admittedly I have been.  And then my 27 year old brother calls me yesterday to tell me that because I won't see my parents and grandparents on Christmas day I am single-handedly ruining his and their Christmas.  All of these comments just devastated me this weekend and I am coming to tears yet again over what was said.  Ugh Calgon take me away.  Anyone take me away. Bueller?

So my boss just came over and brought me something and saw that I'm not working.  So I guess before Security answers my call above and takes me away, it's time to sign off this sunshine of a post.  Hope your day is going better than mine. 

Rabbits Rabbits Rabbits

When I was growing up in Connecticut, my fouth grade teacher's name was Mrs. Fairchild.  She was the first teacher I ever got in trouble with (for talking, imagine that?) and had a beehive hair-don't.  It's still the only beehive I've ever really seen that mirrors the styles of the '60s.  But one thing that I also remember about Mrs. Fairchild was that on the 1st of every month, she would say "Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits" for good luck.  She said if it was the first thing you said on the first day of the month, you'd have good luck all month long.  And here I am, 21 years older, and still saying "rabbits, rabbits, rabbits" on days like today.  Now since there are four children in my household, the first thing I usually utter upon being woken is either "You peed where?" or "Didn't I just feed you?".  However, it won't take long for me to remember and by 8am, I will have at least said it.  May not give me a a whole month of luck, but I got to at least get some good days for trying.  Funny thing is, I've told my kids this story about Mrs. Fairchild over and over, and now I can hear them whisper it to themselves when they wake up.  So thank you Mrs. Fairchild for the memories and helping me create new ones with my kids.  Rabbits, Rabbits, Rabbits.

Day One.. how am I doing?

So I have been thinking about starting this blog for a while but have felt completely clueless where to go with it.  I guess the first place to start is with my title, My Wonder Years.  If you remember the show The Wonder Years (starring my first crush Fred Savage as Kevin), then you'll remember that throughout each episode there would be an older voice narrating the story.  Well this online journaling is going to be just like that narrator.  But instead of the audience hearing it, they can read it.  Actually, I think Sex and the City stole a little bit of this premise for a show, except Carrie Bradshaw would put her inner monolugue into her column.  I promise I will not end each entry with, "But I can't help but wonder....."

But really, who will be reading this?  I literally could not sleep right away last night because I started wondering- oops, there's that word- would this be more for my own sanity, for the people of my past, or the people I don't know and probably won't know?  Obviously, I'm a bit lost right now, but I'm gonna type it out and hopefully get somewhere. 

As far as content, I haven't been able to pick a direction.  There are a lot of hats I wear: I'm married, I'm a mommy, I'm a step-mommy, I work full time, and I am a super-hero.  Ok, so the last one is a bit of a stretch, but there will be a post about that title some day and it will make sense to you. But in addition to these titles, there are things I struggle with like spirituality, regret, stress, and peace of mind.  Don't get me wrong- I'm not typing this from the ledge or anything.  But sometimes I wish I could afford a really great therapist and let it all out.  Mabye I should have titled this blog "Black Leather Couch" because I'm sure this will serve as therapy at some point.

Unfortunately for the reader (if there is one) I'm not clever like the girl in Julie and Julia who came up with a brilliant blog plan.  No, there will be no movie made of this journal.  But I would like there to be some experiment here.... I've thought about putting ridiculous topics into a hat and picking one each week. I've thought about gearing this only towards being mom/step-mom.  I've thought about making this my vent-board so that I only complain here and not out loud anymore (yeah, like that could happen). And I've also thought about.... well the list could go on and on.  Clearly there is no focus yet, but I'll figure out it soon enough I'm sure.

So, congratulations to me; I did it.  I blogged.  But I couldn't help but wonder... haha, just kidding.