Big Love... Big Bummer

Ok so I know this is going to sound completely ridiculous but I am super down that Big Love ended last night.  Like stupid down.  I don't know what it was about that show, but I was so attached to those characters.  It was so well written and had the best actors.  I guess I also liked it because I didn't really know anyone else that watched it.  So it felt like my show.  I was watching the finale last night with my hubby who had never seen it, and almost felt like it was an invasion of space.  And yes, I realize how ridiculous this is all sounding but I am really going to miss that show! There's not many shows I've gotten attached to... Sex and the City and My So-Called Life are two that were hard to let go of, but this feels so much more painful!  I know... so silly but I guess while the show premise was so far away from anything I've ever known, there were things about each character that I could identify with and felt comfort in watching.  I could go on about what I hoped would happen to each person but it doesn't really matter.  I just wish it hadn't ended.... sad face.

Too much caffeine....

I have the jitters at my desk today.  My little Abby is sick and the last few nights have been brutal.  Well, really the last few nights of the last 3 years have been brutal, since being preggo with Abby in '07.  But she's had an awful cough and last night it scared the crap out of me.  Every 5 minutes, shoes on to go to the ER, shoes off because she fell asleep.  Shoes on five minutes later, shoes off..... So to battle the fatigue I am now feeling, I had a white mocha.  And now feel so jittery that my mind is racing and nails are bit short.  I'm torn between heading home right after work to rest, as I know I am sleep deprived, or torturing myself with the gym for an hour before heading home.  Don't know...

Separate note; I have been off Facebook for the last 5 days now.  Just decided to quit cold turkey and frankly its refreshing.  No one seems to miss me, and I'm not missing anyone either.  All I hear about it social network this and that and since I work in print advertising, which is about to become extinct, I'm starting to hate the internet and all it has to offer, including putting me out of a job.  Newspapers are going down in circ, people are all online all the time with aps, and no one wants their junk mail in their actual mailbox.  Which sucks for me.  But with the exception of this, I find myself wanting to stay off the internet.  Except for TMZ, my guiltiest pleasure.  Although the fact that I checked it 7 times today already tells me I might need to quit this too.  But blogging here shouldn't matter, considering no one knows about it but me.

I do wish I could do something interesting on this... problem is I have no idea how to make anything look nice, have no time to figure it out, and apparently have nothing valuable to contribute.  I've seen other blogs on here and am jealous that I could not come up with something as creative.  But whatever... sometimes its nice to be boring I guess with all else going on in life. 

So yeah, too much caffiene...

Going to be a sounding board...

So it took me a few months, but this board is becoming my vent board.  I wanted to be artsy and organic here and basically be something I'm not.  I wanted to come up with positive posts only, but lets face it... that's just not life.  And since my health insurance has raised my personal counseling to $156 per visit, as a mom of four, that's no longer an option.  So congratulations, blog and perhaps one or two readers, I have now hired you as my therapist.  And right now..... I need to vent.  I promise in the future, I will come up with something more inspiring but today is all about venting a letting it out...

Today started off with me looking super cute.  New dress that I felt confident in that has now become so binding after a salad and NF white mocha, that I need to go and get my gym clothes on.  Too bad my work has a corporate dress code where sweats might get me fired.  Ugh, I feel like I need to breathe and can't.  Following this entry, if you're looking for me, I'll be hiding in one of the bathroom stalls naked because I have to take a break from feeling like sausage meat shoved in a casing.  And I looked so good earlier...stupid me should have known not to eat today.  Although I shouldn't be so hard on myself... at least my hair is still in tact.

So while I was looking super cute earlier, I was (and am still) massively pissed off.  My darling husband (who I will call DH) was not so darling last night at all and I am so tired of our ups and downs.  And yes, I know, marriage is filled with ups and downs, but I'm getting motion sickness from this roller coaster already.  So last night I get off work at 5, make it to the grocery store at 6, and am home by 630 to start cooking a yummy seafood bisque for DH, DSS (darling step son), and one of my DD (darling daughters, other DD is too young to eat bisque).  So we finally sit down to eat at 730, enjoy the meal, and spend the next hour enjoying family time; read to the girls watched Survivor, Modern Family, and slowly drank a glass of wine.  And then, it hits.  The night was too calm and relaxing and so DH comes down on me for something and totally unfair, and BOOM- night ruined.  I do so much for our family, am so much more the caretaker for anyone than he is, and I still have to get crap.  And it was totally unwarranted!  It was like an attack from no where and so stupid.  Of course resulting in him on the couch, me in bed, but honestly was something I preferred at that point.  It's just irratating to put forth effort to get treated badly, especially when I have done so much.  Whatever.  He sucks.

Ok, got it out for now.  Now time to get out of this dress for a few minutes.  Hopefully I can get it back on... until next time Dr. Blog, thanks for the session.